Counseling
by Andysleeps
Summary: The hellmouth is closed. Buffy's back to counceling, but one day she asks herself: Was it worth it?


Counseling Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be, please don't sue me because I don't have any money in the first place.  
  
Summary: Everything's over and done with. The hellmouth is closed. There's many new slayers in training. Dawn's in collage. And Buffy's back to counseling.  
  
A/N: I'm not meaning for this to be a series unless you want it to be. I'm leaving it like this, and if you want more, then ask. How? Reviews, duh!  
  
Buffy's point of view.  
  
Yes, this is what I fought for. Been the slayer for over 10 years. Stopped, god, how many apocalypses?!? And for what? So now I can listen to a bratty, little kid telling me how bad his life is because he has a phobia of dentists and the girl he asked to prom doesn't like him. Yup. Just great. Spiffy even. How many lives where lost? How many kids in my high school died because they took the wrong person to prom, or any dance? How many people's lives where sacrificed to keep this world spinning?  
Anya, god, my poor Anya. She was so forthcoming and true. Had so much wisdom from her years. Where is she now? Dead. How many mini slayerettes? Kendra. She must have felt so much pain. She was probably disappointed in me. And Spike. Spike, William, whoever he was. He died a burning death, and he was a good man. I loved him, and he died. What a common trend. My mother, well, that had nothing to do with slaying. But maybe if she hadn't been so worried over me, she would have taken better care of herself. Tara. She was the only one who everybody liked. She was liked a second mother to all of us. More than that to Willow.  
And what of those who didn't die? Not like they got off any better. Xander. First he loses an eye, then his beloved Anya. He is so loyal, I wonder how he can stand it. Willow. It consumed her. She was so innocent, and all this evil, pain, death stuff consumed her. The magic in her body still shakes her. And my poor baby Dawn. My little key sister. She told me that she didn't mind growing up this way, but I know it's a lie. She has seen so much pain in her life. All the girls who are now slayers. They're lives are ruined. Because of me. Faith went insane. But only for a little while. She was better once they got her away from me. Gee, I wonder what that means. Nobody who was in that cave with us can have any semblance of a normal life now. Not even Andrew. Turns out nobody who was in that cave of a hellmouth can have children anymore. Thankfully this doesn't include Dawn.  
I have even felt a shift in my powers because of the spell Willow did. She changed it without telling me. She had found out that when she activated the rest of the slayers, I would lose most of my power because it would be spread out to them, but she saved me from that. She fed her own power into me, and I can feel the change. Since I was called, I have always felt that there was some darkness in me. That that was what fed my power. The same darkness that all the vampires and demons came from. Dracula was right, I am a killer of my own kind, or rather, I was. It always seemed useless to fight them, but not anymore. Now my power is something pure. Cleaner then it was before. It gives me strength in the hard moments, like this, when I remember.  
Sometimes it makes me sad. I know that maybe if I had been a better slayer, maybe then less people would have died. But its not like I haven't had happy moments. There were times when I was happy. When I was with Angel. Before all that soul business. Sometimes when I was sitting in class, or the times I would just sit near Spike and talk my soul out.  
It has been a long journey. Friends died, I died. People who I cared for perished. But was it worth it? Sometimes I wonder.  
"Hello? Are you even listening to me. God, your just like my parents, nobody knows the real me-", Buffy turned her attention back to the boy in front of her.  
  
________________________________________________________________________ So what do you think? Review and keep my planet in orbit. ;D 


End file.
